toxicity

I knew the call would come, like the expectation of a winter storm.

My oncologist forecasted that my body would eventually build up a resistance to my medication for chronic myeloid leukemia (CML) after going off of it 3 times to have 3 miracle babies.

That dreaded call came the day after Christmas in the middle of a family movie. The nurse dictated dates for blood tests and biopsies. It was clear as I fumbled for a pen while running out of the darkened theatre that she didn’t care which dates worked for my grad school class schedule, my teaching hours, or my family life.

Bottom line, I needed to rewrite my priority list—ASAP!

I was thankful for a short commute between hospital and university in the heart of Detroit. I naively thought I could change medications and not skip a beat in class. I didn’t account for the unexpected toxicities of Sprycel, my new miracle medication. It was super effective in treating cancer. But my fatigued body could barely make it through a day.

5 Steps of Energy Budgeting

I know what it’s like to live on a tight financial budget. I’ve been stretching dollars for decades. Taking Sprycel syphoned off a significant portion of my energy each day. It was clear that I drastically needed to rebalance my energy budget to account for success within my new limitations of fatigue.

1. Set Goals

Set clear, attainable goals. Identify the most important places to spend limited resources of energy. For me it was: Finish grad school. Aspire to excellence—as a mom, wife and student. As I pushed forward with my Master’s degree, I became a goal-setting master.

2. Prioritize

Show up wholeheartedly

Decide the most important ways to expend mental, emotional and spiritual energy, and then let go of the other stuff.

If I aspired to excellence as a mom, wife, and graduate student, I couldn’t also be an excellent teacher. I quit my teaching job, and we creatively rebalanced an even tighter financial budget.

3. Eliminate Excess

Identify and get rid of unnecessary energy drains. It’s like knowing you’re going to shipwreck if you don’t throw stuff overboard. Learn to say “NO” to superfluous obligations and to excess noise in your head.

Nursing a grudge or second-guessing good decisions were luxuries I couldn’t afford. Instead, I learned the energy-rejuvenating power of clear thinking cultivated by a rhythm of rest, walks, and intimate times in prayer.

4. Show Up Wholeheartedly

Once goals are set, priorities are clear, and junk has been eliminated, be present in your priorities. Embrace them fully and generously.

It was costly to be a mother of three and a non-traditional, cancer fighting grad student. I wasn’t going to miss any of those prioritized moments. I studied hard. I also learned to set studies aside and wholeheartedly cherish puppy movies with my feverish 4^thgrader as the privileged place of being a mom.

5. Celebrate Success

Find joy in the things that contribute to success. Setbacks and shortcomings are ingredients for grit when it comes to celebrating achievement.

I regularly thanked my amazing professors. When my worn out body ached, I thanked God for my cozy bed as I crawled into it. I cried tears of gratefulness as my husband picked up my slack at home.

When I finally finished graduate school, debt free, after 5 ½ years, celebrations of success were the sweetest.

I learned to thank God for my miracle medication.

It keeps my body cancer-free. It has afforded me peace of mind, power in weakness, freedom in limitations, and grace in weariness. I have learned to live more lightly and freely as I regularly surrender all my priorities to my highest priority of all—loving God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength.

This article was published in a series of articles for the Yemeni American News, September, 2019, p. 10:

Georgia Coats is a Language & Culture Learning Coach, freelance writer, educator, wife, and mother of three who is passionate about healthy mind-body-spirit living. Chronic Hope is Georgia’s collection of stories, lessons, and life adventures of living alongside chronic leukemia, cancer of the white blood cells, for two decades. She often shares what’s on her mind at: www.onmymindbygeorgia.wordpress.com

“Wow! You look great. Did you lose weight?”

In my late 20s and newly married, I enjoyed the positive feedback on an otherwise bleak situation. I joked to myself, Yeah, it’s this great new plan… the CANCER DIET. But in real life, I awkwardly responded, “Thanks,” with no explanation of the dark secret to my weight loss success.

Then there were the people who knew I had recently been diagnosed with chronic myeloid leukemia (CML). They said things differently.

“Awww, you look really good,” which was accompanied by a sympathetic head tilt and a hint of relief. They were glad I wasn’t bald, pale, and gaunt like the poster child for the Leukemia Society.

I felt overwhelmed by these new life circumstances out of my control. I needed to manage something. This was stirring in me a passion for healthy living.

But, what is healthy?

Before my diagnosis, healthy meant the opposite sick. After my diagnosis, healthy meant giving my body its best chance to thrive in the given circumstances.

Healthy meant being a wise manager of things I COULD control.

Healthy also meant not over-worrying about the things I couldn’t control.

I couldn’t control leukemia. And I didn’t know how to manage the overwhelming feelings of fear, loss, and dying dreams.

If chronic leukemia was my new normal, I needed effective survival skills. I needed to nurture hope and figure out healthy ways to interact with chronically present negative emotions.

With cancer come toxicities.

Toxicities that wear on the body accompany even the best cancer treatments. Also in the shadows of effective cancer treatments looms the real threat of financial toxicity.

Healthy meant identifying and eliminating unnecessary toxicities while learning to live with the necessary ones.

I couldn’t control the toxicities of my treatments, but I could help my body be strong enough to handle them as best it could. I rested more. I ate less sugar. I tried to stay active even when I felt fatigued or depressed.

I learned to sort my worries.

Author Amber Rae, in her book, Choose Wonder Over Worry: Move Beyond Fear and Doubt to Unlock your Full Potential, says that not all worry is bad. We need to get rid of toxic worries so we can more clearly address healthy worries.

Devastating life challenges can be toxic on a marriage. Or, they can make a marriage stronger. The guilt of being a burden to my new husband was toxic. But I couldn’t eliminate it on my own.

My husband chose to share my burden and join in my sorrow. He waded through bills, unsolicited advice, and on hold with the doctor’s office. He always referred to our diagnosis. He took seriously his role of tenderly caring for his wife.

Together we learned to weed out toxic worry and trust God with each specific life challenge out of our control.

Rae describes healthy worry as a complement to wonder, “If worry is the fear of what could go wrong, wonder is the curiosity of the unknown.”

I was far from nurturing curiosity. But I could take baby steps towards healthy. I felt empowered by healthy eating habits and an exercise routine.

For my husband and I, healthy meant being in the best spiritual, physical, and state of mind we could be to thrive through the toxicities we couldn’t control. Healthy meant taking on our new life challenges… together.This article was published as the second in a series of articles for the Yemeni American News, June, 2019:

On My Mind

by Georgia

CHRONIC HOPE #5: From Battling Fatigue to Balancing an Energy Budget

Bottom line, I needed to rewrite my priority list—ASAP!

5 Steps of Energy Budgeting

1. Set Goals

2. Prioritize

3. Eliminate Excess

4. Show Up Wholeheartedly

5. Celebrate Success

I learned to thank God for my miracle medication.

CHRONIC HOPE #2: Learning to be healthy and have cancer