The Fourth Rock

You reign above it all You reign above it all.

Over the universe and over every heart

There is no higher name 

(Reign Above It All, Hannah & Paul McClure)
 
A senior trip. A gathering of global perspectives. An opportunity to lift up other girls in their education…

For 20 days in July, my daughter, Zoe, and I had the incredible privilege of traveling to three countries, each with unique language, culture, and learning dynamics. As a Language and Culture Learning Coach, navigating new cultures is my sweet spot. On the other hand, navigating the physical world is a challenge for me, and getting lost is something I’ve learned to factor into life.  This dynamic provided ample opportunity for Zoe and me to problem solve together in new places. 

The overall goal of our trip was for Zoe and me to be empowered together through the joys and trials of traveling adventures—before Zoe sets out on her independent college journey.  For a girl who lingered in Narnia most of her childhood, and then graduated into Harry Potter’s world, Zoe would have enrolled at Hogwart’s post high school if she could. Instead, she settled on sauntering through Parisian chateaus for her summer between high school and college. Germany was a place to meet incredible world travelers and rub shoulders with their love for language and culture and adventure. Bangladesh was a window into a world so far outside our own–a place where we could encourage the empowerment of others.
We strategically embarked on our expedition equipped with only a backpack and a carry-on—to avoid losing luggage amidst multiple strikes in various European airports.  A few other essentials for our journey included a 2022 multilingual playlist and 3 painted rocks…

July 4, 2022:

In the security line at the Denver airport: It turns out, if you travel with multiple painted rocks in your carry-on, your bag WILL get searched.  Before we left, we committed to a mini-mission of helping my cousin spread her Colorado rocks around the world—I channeled my inner Amelie as we ventured out to deposit a hand-painted rock in each of our three destinations.

July 5:

We landed in Paris and successfully navigated our way to our hotel.  We enjoyed dinner and an evening walk… by the river, past the cathedral, through the medieval gardens.

July 7:

Lessons from today’s excursions in Paris:

  • Trains take longer than you think they will 
  • Half a ballet is better than no ballet at all 
  • Raspberry sorbet is the perfect Parisian comfort food 

Rock #1: We strategically deposited the first Colorado rock in a French castle windowsill. I hope they let it stay there.

July 8:

We learned some essential French vocabulary…

Navigating trains: 

  • Sortie = exit
  • Gare = station

Navigating treats: 

  • café crème = latte 
  • confiture de framboise = raspberry jam 
  • fromage = cheese 

Zoe and I felt so empowered as we navigated the train system together and took in all the fancy palaces, castles, and chateaus Zoe had planned for us to see. 

I’m a princеss of 2022…
Dancing all night, wеaring vintage dresses 

(Princess, Tiphene)

July 9:

Ever since Zoe was 5 years old, she wanted to be in charge of planning parties. My husband, Steve, and I would give her a budget, help her make shopping lists, and work out the details of her vision together. At 18, her goal was a senior trip to Paris—to get castles out of her system before heading off to college. She’s been working, saving, budgeting, and planning for months. 

My joy has been to accompany her in realizing her vision… 

  • to learn to navigate new places
  • to problem-solve the unexpected
  • to figure things out even when we don’t understand the language, or the way things work
  • to adapt and enjoy the simple wonders of another culture
  • And to make amazing memories along the way

NEXT STOP: Germany—via train

July 10:

We put our train navigation skills to the ultimate test when we took 6 different trains from Paris to a small German town and met up with Steve and our SIL International colleagues.  When my sweet husband met us at the final station, he quickly snatched up our carry-ons and led us to our cozy accommodations.  Zoe and I gladly relinquished some of our powerful independence, and received Steve’s loving care for us on this middle stint of our journey.  

After settling in, Steve and I enjoyed dinner and an evening walk together… by the river, past the village, through the forest.  

July 12:

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want;

He makes me lie down in green pastures

The Lord is my shepherd, leads me to still waters. And He restores my soul 

(Come What May, We Are Messengers)

July 13:

Rock #2: Spreading the Liebe… We delicately deposited our second Colorado rock in a German flower garden at the conference center where we gathered.

July 14:

Steve and I work with incredible, multilingual people of deep faith who live and travel all over the world. It always lifts our hearts to be together. And I’m super grateful Zoe connected with some amazing third culture teens who widen global possibilities and perspectives for her.

NEXT STOP: Zoe and I to Bangladesh.

Steve back home to Colorado.
Really hoping for no unexpected overnights in Frankfurt or Istanbul or anywhere else.

Like a sunrise on the longest night,

Like a rescue coming just in time.

Yeah, you save me when I cannot see the light.

Yeah, you save me when I cannot see the light.

(Lease on Life, Andy Grammer)

July 15:

Some first moments in Bangladesh…

  • Intro to language and culture with Troy Uncle
  • Riding in an easy bike
  • A Hindu festival parade, viewed from our hotel
  • Islamic call to prayer accompanied by car horns
  • A welcome of marigold leis, star fruit, and colorful scarves from the girls in the Speak Up – Girls Education Program. I can’t believe we get to be here with all these sweet, smiling faces and curious giggles.

I’m so thankful for safe travels via trains, planes, buses, and easy bikes to get here.

July 16:

Bangladesh is a predominantly Islamic country. The sign in our hotel room points to the direction of Mecca so people know which way to face when they pray. In my mind, facing East and facing Mecca have always been synonymous. It has been a bit disorienting to think of Mecca as west of us here. I’ve never spent this much time east of Mecca.

July 17:

With a background in Romance Languages, decoding French signs was kind of fun.  German signs were a little more of a challenge.  However, once we arrived in Bangladesh, our decoding skills were of little use.  The cultural differences were also striking in so many ways.  We felt the opposite of the fierce independence we had honed in Paris.

It turns out that in Bangladesh when you want to walk the neighborhood, you hold hands with your hosts… across the busy streets, past the dragon fruit vendor, through the sweet shop, with new friends.

July 18:

This is the day… that the Lord has made,
We will rejoice and be glad in it… 

(A summer camp fave)

The girls in the villages and the dorm love singing and dancing. We’ve learned we need to have a song ready at a moment’s notice, and this one has been our go-to.

Today we were welcomed into the village and home of Dee, the girl Zoe sponsors with Speak Up for the Poor. Dee helped her mom serve us noodles and orange slices and coconut water fresh from the tree outside. As I looked around the lush green village and around the sparse room in their home, I thought: I am the farthest from home I’ve ever been.

July 19:

Rock #3 has traveled so far from its Colorado home. 

When we went to visit Dee’s village for a parent meeting, we formally presented our lovingly painted rock to the girls.  Then the Vice President of the student leadership team at their local schoolhouse formally received our little gift—a tangible piece of our home with them. They placed it at the head table in the school where it will likely serve as a very useful paperweight.

It was definitely a sweet spot to attend the parents’ meeting in Dee’s village. The girls are amazing, so it was fun to meet the moms who came to support their daughters’ educations—in place of child marriage. If the parents aren’t supportive, the girls will often end up getting married as a young teen. I was really proud of these moms, with limited education themselves, wanting something more for their girls. And, I felt so grateful to be there with my girl, supporting her education and wanting the best for her future.

July 20:

Today we met Lula—the girl my husband and I sponsor. We visited her village, her school, and her home. All the other girls followed from the schoolhouse. We met her parents and 4 sisters. We shared small gifts with them, and they shared fresh dates and coconut sweets with us. I love having a clearer perspective of her context, and seeing how sponsorship lifts up all the girls in the Education Program—in the villages, the dorms, the slums… I’m super grateful for this experience and all that it took for us to get here. 

July 21:

I love you, you love me,

We are one big family… 

(I love you, Barney)

Zoe and I have learned to teach English lessons with only a moment’s notice.  Today we joined the Student Teachers from the college dorm as they taught their classes in small schoolhouses in the slum areas—full of bright-eyed learners. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you… I loved this impromptu English lesson with these cuties.

July 23:

Heading home… Our trip back to Colorado starts on an easy bike, then a bus, then 4 planes, and 30+ hours later, a final car ride to our house. We packed some extra suitcases full of letters from the Speak Up girls to take back to their sponsors in the U.S.  We also loaded up on henna cones—an essential for Zoe to take to college.  And we sadly said a gazillion goodbyes. 

July 29:

As I am back to walking my regular neighborhood, I love how music can take me right back to a place…. When I made my multilingual playlist to accompany our epic summer adventures, I included a popular Bangla song (by searching 2022 top Bangla songs). With all the dancing that went on while we were there, Komola was one of the first songs I heard in a dance performance, and then kept hearing. Now, when this song comes up on my playlist, it takes me right back to this little village school.  Sometimes I can’t believe we were even there. But the feelings and memories stirred up by this song and others are proof that it was all so real. 

August 15:

One, you get one heartbeat, so,
Take it seriously…
This is your masterpiece,
Don’t forget to dream and taste the colors
In the air you breathe

(Masterpiece, Andy Grammer)

Today we moved Zoe into her college dorm: She’s ready. She’s ready to ask hard questions, explore possible dreams, taste new colors. She’s ready for home away from home, for new friends, and new levels of adulting. I’m super excited to release her into this new aspect of her masterpiece.

The 4th Rock:

We left three Colorado Rocks in each of the countries we traversed.  The 4th rock is the rock we brought home—the one I lifted from the railroad tracks outside the slum areas of Khulna. I had searched in each village we visited in Bangladesh, but with the hard-packed dirt trails covered in jungle plant debris and mud puddles left over from recent rain showers, loose stones were hard to come by—and the girls thought it was strange that I kept digging around in the dirt with my fingers!  Rock #4 will become part of our Thanksgiving Rock collection—a tangible reminder of gratitude for our epic 2022 adventures.

All my life You have been faithful,

And all my life you have been so, so good.

With every breath that I am able,

I will sing of the goodness of God.

(Goodness of God, Jenn Johnson)

Corona 2020 #2: Deep Breath

Sunday, March 22: Small successes make us stronger

Virtual church in our home—that’s a good family rhythm.  Coffee with my Sweet.  Pilates during worship.

Deep breath.  The sun is shining.  We know how to rally as a family.  We’ve done that before.

I learned in grad school that when things get really challenging, it helps to take on doable physical challenges.  Before graduation, I was standing on my head for a solid 3 minutes or more.  Today I take on my ripstick—I haven’t done that since our move to Colorado in 2018.  I went further on the Poudre trail than I have ever gone on my ripstick.

I can do this.  All of this.

Drive-ins—a social distancing spring break treat post family physical activity.  Sonic is Mommy’s rare and spontaneously fun fried treat.  Desperately wishing I could wash my hands, the Sonic manager offers us disinfectant wipes at our window.  It’s the best she could do.  And I was thankful.

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Monday, March 23: Empathy and grief set in

Emotions are so mixed up. I can alternate tears and laughter without taking a breath.  I think the complexity of emotion keeps me going.  Empathy is a part of me.  So is shared laughter.  I can’t shut out the hurt of the world. I have to find a way in it.

Grief sets in as social media pours out the news of loved ones’ sick loved ones.  There are people who can’t breathe.  I feel pressure around my own lungs.  Or is it my heart?

I got this song stuck in my prayers…

🎶 You give life, You are love
You bring light to the darkness
You give hope, You restore
Every heart that is broken
Great are You, Lord

It’s Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise
We pour out our praise
It’s Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise to You…

And all the earth will shout Your praise
Our hearts will cry, these bones will sing 

Great are You, Lord 🎶

Zoe bakes her first berry pie.  Yum.  She has been painting and creating and plotting a socially distant picnic with a neighbor friend.  She makes beautiful things.  She makes me smile… with teary eyes.  She is filled with purpose and plans and projects.

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Wednesday, March 25: To be seen and heard

I have a regularly scheduled virtual meeting with my colleague.  She hears exhaustion in my voice and heartache in my rhythm.  I needed her to say that I didn’t seem ok.  Someone noticed.  Someone said something.  I try to hold back immediate tears.  I’ll save them for later.  My tear bank is robust.  I am tired.  I am overwhelmed.

Thursday, March 26: The good, the bad, and the garbanzo beans

A walk with a friend.  I bring her chickpeas and pass them at a safe distance.  Canned goods are hard to come by at the grocery store and she is a garbanzo lover like myself.  It feels good to do a little good.  Colorado is in full shelter in place mode now.  Stores close earlier.  People might start to panic.

I think I am among the immunocompromised.  I google articles about leukemia patients, those on immunotherapies in relation to Covid-19.  I should be extra cautious.

Speaking of Covid-19… I read a comment comparing the “Covid 19” to the “Freshman 15!”  Hard to curb the quarantine baking spree.  I love that there are so many things to laugh together about.

Steve and I have an important virtual work meeting.  The meeting delivered bad news.  Not really anything to do with pandemic, just regular life bad news.  It hits hard. It feels like rejection.  Emotions are already at the surface and reserves of faith and grace and strength and resilience have already been reallocated.

Sprycel—my leukemia miracle med—is delivered as usual. Check.  The UPS man doesn’t ask me to sign for this pricy parcel.  He just leaves it and waves.

I slip out for a run on the track as I pour out my heart in my prayer.  My regular running playlist doesn’t seem fitting anymore.

Why is motivation so hard?

Goal setting.  That’s my specialty.  First, identify barriers: It’s hard to get to goals when you’re in the midst of grief.  Mourning and gratitude are both necessary.  But if you haven’t mourned, it’s hard to move forward.

Steve and I zoom in with our community group.  Thursday night is our regularly scheduled hangout time—part of our familiar chorus.

I’m still not okay. 

News of people sick, dying, or singing out their windows is global. 

Urgency and exhaustion in the voices of healthcare professionals. 

More emails regarding upcoming online school than I can process. 

Loved ones have sick ones. 

I worry for the most vulnerable, like my resettled refugee friends and pregnant mom friends. 

I worry for my healthcare provider friends. 

I am in tears for a hurting world.

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Check in with your inner self.  Practice heart presence. Breathe…. Oh yeah.

Steve gets a stern and caring reminder from our doctor friend to be extra cautious with his immunocompromised wife.  Clarity.  Caution. Heartfelt concern.

Friday, March 27: Emotional backlog

Things have to change.  My heart is being pressed in on all sides.  Everyone is caring about something else.  I feel isolated with the whole world.  I am.

So much has halted.  So much to process.  An emotional backlog. So many people going through something and the same things.  Momentum is gone in most of life’s places.

Deep breath.

I decide to start collecting the songs I need for this new rhythm of life.

I choose carefully how often I watch the news.  Today there is a healthy flow of tears watching a video montage of communities rising up and joining together.

🎶 And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you…
 🎶

Thank you, Andra Day.  Put that one on the playlist.

Saturday, March 28: Naming negative emotions

I cross out lots of things on my calendar that didn’t happen and that won’t happen.  Good thing I write in pencil.  Saturday is Ella’s choice for special breakfast.  A rich cup of coffee with my Sweet.  Pilates and prayers.  My whole body feels heavy.

I have dealt with difficult things before.  I cry. I walk. I sleep.  I pray.  I listen—to truth, to hope, to sadness. To divine whispers.

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It’s helpful to just be present with negative emotions… 😕♥️
• grief—of losses big and small
• guilt—that we should be doing more, less, something else
• fear—of things we can’t control
• disappointment—of unfulfilled expectations
• discouragement—too many overwhelming things to take in at once
• sadness…
• madness…

🤲🏼👣

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Tomorrows have no structure.  We are oscillating between aimlessness and creativity’s  blank page.  Setting goals seems like such an uphill journey.