š¶ Come, they told me, pa rum pum pum pum š¶
Iām not sure whatās in it for me. I keep asking myself what my expectations are. I keep searching my own intentions. Thereās a time investment. Thereās a financial cost. But there is ZERO obligation. And yet I keep coming. The vortex of need is overwhelmingābeyond what I could possibly make a dent in. Iām not naĆÆve enough to think Iām taking on the role of superhero or white savior. In fact, I feel pretty small and ill-equipped.
And yet, every time I come, my heart is full. Not because I solve big problems. Sometimes when I show up, I canāt even solve the smallest of problems.
š¶ O Come all Ye Faithful, Joyful and Triumphant š¶
The interactions with this sweet neighbor and her family resettled in my community have changed something in me. The gift is mine.
There are other faithful people who come. If I didnāt show up and attempt to meet any of their needs, they would figure it out a different way. They are survivors. They survived and thrived and moved forward long before I knew this beautiful family.
š¶ Joy to the World, the Lord is Come š¶
Last week I took the 14 year old daughter of my sweet neighbor to the doctor for a well-visit. She rallied for her own appointment. I taught her how to fill out medical forms. I showed her where her mom would need to sign so she could legally manage her own healthcare. Itās not that her mom wouldnāt love to come, caring for her precious daughter. Itās just that as a single mom of 10 kids, working fulltime at the meatpacking plant while studying English at night, thereās just not enough time in her days to navigate a well visit for child #5.
$23.19. Thatās the price for two over-the-counter medications and a prescription of Vitamin D not covered by Medicaid. I plotted ahead on our way to the pharmacy. I was ready to be a joyful giver. $23.19āpaid, gladly. We sat together on a bench at the back of Walgreens, and I taught my young friend the difference between prescription drugs and over the counter ones.
š¶ O Come Let Us Adore Him š¶
Dropping my friend off at her house, after quizzing her repeatedly on how to take her new meds, my heart was fullāagain. She thanked me for spending my own money. Her gratitude was an unexpected bonus. As we said goodbye, I told her that many have helped me in my life, even with medication. Maybe someday sheāll have the opportunity to help someone else pay for their medication. Freely I have received abundantly from kindnesses I could never repay. And in that moment, I was grateful for an opportunity to freely give.
I came home from that event scrambling to answer a call from my Specialty Pharmacy about a recent delivery of my leukemia medicationāthe super expensive immunotherapy drug that I take every day, forĀ ever.Ā Ā The operator politely informed me,Ā āYou have an outstanding balance of $5668.64, would you like to go ahead and pay that nowā¦?āĀ Ā
What!? NO!! I canāt pay that now, or ever, really.
I hung up the phone with a deep sigh and flopped on the couch.
Sunlight and quiet beckoned me to be still.
I came for just a momentāempty-handed and wholeheartedāinto the presence of Divinity. And something shifted in my soul.
I came reviewing the vulnerable places I had just been with my 14-year-old friend. I came with the satisfaction of having paid her pharmacy bill in fullāall 23 dollars and 19 cents of it. I came offering up my own fear and outstanding pharmacy bill.
I came not knowing.
š¶ O Come O Come Emmanuel š¶
Christmas is about coming. O come Emmanuel. God be with us! Joy is that the promised Messiah is come.
Thatās Jesus.
O Come, Desire Of The Nations, Bind
In One The Hearts Of All Mankind;
Bid Every Strife And Quarrel Cease
And Fill The World With Heavenās Peace.
Jesus came to restore peace on earth, but he showed up first as a newbornāthe epitome of defenseless, vulnerable, and needy.
His first invitation was to come and allow others to care and adore Him.
I have come so many times, vulnerable and weak.
So when a 14 year old vulnerably entrusts me to come into her need for medical care, I feel summoned to privilege. The gift of presenceāher presence with me. The joy of seeing someoneās humble self and meeting them in that place. Sharing a holy space.
The invitation of Christmas is to just come.
Come needy.
Come heavy.
Come weak.
Come ready.
Come all you faithful.
Come with hands full, ready to give.
Come with hands empty, ready to receive.
Come along with Him.
Come back.
Come over and just be.
Come in need of $23 or $6000.
Come with your whole self.
Even if you have nothing to bring thatās fit to give a King, just come.
On My Mind 