Rising Above

September 15, 2020September 15, 2020 ~ Georgia Coats ~ 3 Comments

An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity. MLK, Jr.

I’m not sure if I’m haunted or inspired.

20 years and I’m still trying to figure out living.
20 years since my leukemia diagnosis in September of 2000.
20 years of grasping at my sense of self in the midst of chronic limitations.
20 years of a tenacious spirit learning to dance in fragile body.

How can I rise above my personal cancer and be a part of treating malignancies that face all humanity?

This question has been weighing on my mind since last September. I needed to rise up for my journey of Chronic Hope in order to clarify my identity.

20 years later, there is clarity to rise. But rising above is not a climb.

It’s a descent.

My challenge, quarantined in 2020, has been to listen, lament, and repent of injustice in myself and in our culture. To weep with those who weep and mourn with those who mourn. I really wanted to just take action. But I had not stopped to consider the lack in my understanding of justice and society. And how justice for all reflects the heart of God.

There is a lot of humble stillness and lowly heart work involved in rising. Nothing glorious or stunning. Just quiet, dark, quarantined heart work.

If the world had not shut down in a global pandemic, would I have done that work?

I don’t exactly know how to take action, but one thing has become clear:

If I don’t take action, something in me will die. Or will never have the chance to truly live.

So, from this humbler and haunted place I desperately seek to learn in community from those who are taking action. To join. To grow. To serve. I thought the vulnerable and the marginalized needed me. It turns out, we need each other.

Rising above is not mine to achieve. Starting to live is not mine to map out.

Mine is to quietly join the labors of love.

To learn from those who weary their hearts and dirty their hands for the plight of others.
To allow the plight of the vulnerable to be felt deeply and personally.
To understand how to do justly, because I cannot truly love mercy without it. Mercy accompanies justice.
Ultimately, to surrender the sense of self I’ve worked so hard to grasp.

Mine is the work of vulnerable humility.

Rising belongs to the Divine Hand that is strong and wise enough to lift me up in due time.

Just curious… what are the daunting malignancies you’ve been called to rise above?

White Noise—A Cry of Repentance

June 11, 2020June 13, 2020 ~ Georgia Coats ~ 4 Comments

I’m sorry.

Not I’m sorry, but…

Not I’m sorry, in general.

Rather, specifically…

I’m sorry for my ignorance that has perpetuated an unjust status quo.

I’m sorry for my silence when advocacy was needed.

I’m sorry for all the little compromises that left your life more difficult and exhausting.

I’m sorry for my complicity in racism.

For my fear of not knowing what to do, and so yielding to inaction.
For letting false White conceptions of color blindness go unchallenged.
For not understanding how the systems I’m a part of and benefit from have put me in a privileged place at your expense.

I’m sorry for the White sorry buts that add salt to your wounds.

I’m sorry for being dismissive when the problems of society get too scary for me to handle.

I’m sorry for allowing this or that movie about ugly White racism to appease my conscience and make me feel like I get it—when I don’t.

I’m sorry for getting so used to Black bad news that it has become noise in the background of my passive tranquility.

I’m so sorry for reducing your trauma to my White noise.

Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God, you who are God my Savior, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.

Open my lips, Lord, and my mouth will declare your praise.

You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.

My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise. (Psalm 51: 14-17)

Lord, forgive us for the pride of thinking we’re innocent.

Lord, expose the hypocrisy in our breaking hearts and lead us to repentance.

Lord, forgive me for being an ambassador of peace but not understanding justice.

Lord, forgive me for being so passionate about Your great love for all nations and tribes, races and languages, yet somehow not having eyes to see and ears to hear the trauma and injustice of my Black brothers and sisters.

Lord, forgive us for our White supremacy—for standing too high on a pillar of infection—like an abscess on our nation. It’s disgusting.

Lance it. Drain it. Then, heal it.

Like a boil that must be opened with all its ugliness to the natural medicines of air and light, injustice must be exposed to the light of human conscience before it can be cured. MLK Jr.

I see now that racism is a White problem.

I understand now that Black Lives Matter—so much. I’m sorry I never said so sooner.

I hear your cries of grief. I’m sorry it took me so long.

I shudder at the images of George Floyd’s murder. And Ahmaud Arbery, and Breonna Taylor. I’m sorry for your loss. Your losses. I’m sorry for the innumerable losses that have gone unseen.

I can know better.

I can be better.

I can do better.

It’s not your responsibility to enlighten me. But many have taken the time to love me where I’m at and patiently help me get to a better place. Thank you.

I know I’ll mess up again. I know racism has had its ugly effect on me. I know there are still offensive ways in me.

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24)

For context: I am white. I am a follower of Jesus. I deeply value the authority of the Bible. I am a church goer. I work in non-profit contexts. I have been on an intensive journey of listening, learning, and lamenting since May 8, 2020–what would have been Ahmaud Arbery’s 25th birthday.

The influencers who have significantly informed my understanding, challenged my beliefs on issues of systemic racism, and shaped how I craft my words are: Dr. MLK Jr., Dr. Robin Diangelo, Dr. Anita Phillips, Jemar Tisby, and Mona Haydar. And my friends, Befkadu Meshesha and Ian Simkins.

NY2020: Feeling Small

January 20, 2020January 20, 2020 ~ Georgia Coats ~ 6 Comments

Dear Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.,

I’m feeling pretty small. Things are kind of crazy at the onset of 2020. Injustice. Intolerance. Mean words. In 2020 people are angry and feel like they have the right to take it out on others.

I used to feel bad for the time in the history that you had to face. I was content to just be inspired by your legacy, that even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, we can still have a dream… that this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed… that all humans are created equal.

Your dreams and accomplishments made me thankful for how you made our nation a better place for everyone to live peacefully and safely.

What Went Wrong?

I’m not sure what went wrong, or if I just opened my eyes a little bit wider. When I read, in 2020, your convicting words against racism, I feel like I could never live up to your standards. I’ve never been discriminated by the color of my skin as you have. I’ve never been as outspoken as you are.

You are our civil rights hero. And we celebrate that.

But, in order to even fathom your dreams in this new decade, I’m realizing that it’s not always about being big and strong and fiercely outspoken. It’s not about excusing myself from an impossible calling for more gifted people.

It’s about the small stuff.

It’s about scooching over to make room on my bench for one more weary human to sit. It’s about knowing my neighbor, looking into her determined eyes and seeing her very great smile of grit and gratitude. It’s about being so amazed by the content of her character that I have nothing but respect for her. It’s about sharing our humanity.

You see, I have some amazing friends. And they have been judged by their ethnicity, religion, immigration status, and the color of their skin. They have faced and overcome tremendous odds to get where they are today. And they still have So. Far. To. Go.

Pompa had been in this country for 9 years before she realized her husband had filed no immigration paperwork for her. So, when he filed for a divorce, he figured she would have to disappear back into the bustle of Bangladesh. With nothing.

He didn’t account for her courage, her fortitude. Or for her faith in the God of the impossible. He didn’t account for the kindness of others—both Muslim and Christian—who provided for her legal fees and her housing needs. He didn’t imagine she had anything to offer that would inspire the faith and courage of others. He was so wrong.

And Zuzu. She has never let her refugee status conquer or even dampen her spirit. Instead, she embraced the opportunity of a fresh start in a new country. As a mother of 3, she also manages the family finances and cares for her aging in-laws while pursuing her education in her 4^th language. Her husband also works tirelessly so she can go to school and together they can achieve in this country what hasn’t been possible for them back in war-torn Syria.

My newest neighbor is a Gentle Soul with the brightest smile I have ever seen. She met and married her husband and gave birth to their 10 kids in a refugee camp in Rwanda. Now, as a widow, she braves a strange new community as a single mom with NO English language. She works nights at a meat packing plant and relies on the kindness of others, her deep faith, and the services our great country has to offer to help her kids thrive.

I feel so small.

I have so little to offer. But I also know that every little offering is something. I have held hands in prayer with Pompa. I have celebrated Zuzu’s achievements over little cups of tea. And I have connected deeply—mother to mother, woman to woman, human to human—far beyond words with my Gentle-Souled neighbor.

Dr. King, thank you for these words:

If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.

I can’t tell you how relieved I am that you actually said this. I have seen my three beautiful friends move forward and cross insurmountable barriers with hope and grit. My friends have been incredibly patient and grateful and gracious. They have taught me to never waste a moment—to live, to learn, to move forward, to love others, to dare greatly. They have shown me equality in our pursuits of happiness.

I feel so small in a big, scary 2020 world. But, I’m learning that I can do the small stuff. I can move forward, even if my steps feel ever so insignificant. I can scooch over. I can give my neighbor’s kids a ride home from school. I can help her understand the electric bill.

I can take on small… I could even be great at the small things.

If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way. -MLK, Jr.

Dr. King, did you really ever start out small?

CHRONIC HOPE #6: The Luxury of Looking Forward

October 12, 2019October 12, 2019 ~ Georgia Coats ~ 6 Comments

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

Martin Luther King, Jr.

When I was first diagnosed with chronic myeloid leukemia (CML) in my 20s I stopped looking too far forward. Planning for the future felt presumptuous, so I learned to live more fully in the present.

September 2019 marked 19 years since my cancer diagnosis.

I’ve had the privilege of reflecting back on 2 decades of living alongside a cancer diagnosis while continuously being treated for it.

4 different cancer treatments.

12+ bone marrow biopsies.

2 cutting edge miracle meds.

3 miracle babies.

3 times achieving medicated remissions.

2 relapses.

1 Master’s Degree.

Tens of thousands of dollars invested.

This journey is chronic. Chronic struggles. Chronic tears. Chronic persistence. Eventually forging a resilient chronic hope that anchors the soul.

I have learned invaluable life lessons of chronic hope:

We all have struggles. We all need help. We all seek a hope that is bigger than us.

We don’t rise above our struggles alone.

I can dare to make long-term goals that are bigger than me, because others dared before me.

In 1959 a researcher identified a very specific chromosomal abnormality present in CML patients. In the 1990s my first miracle medication was developed—a targeted immunotherapy treatment that was revolutionary. The standard chemotherapy treatments do not discriminate between healthy cells and cancerous ones, thus, leaving the patient with a myriad of miserable toxicities and a bleak prognosis. But this miracle medication targeted and treated a very specific problem inside of me, on a genetic level. It was proven more effective, more efficient, and less toxic than standard chemo.

It changed the world for people like me.

Reflecting back is essential for moving forward.

Now, with 3 growing kids, a specialized degree as a language and culture learning coach, and a healthy body in medicated remission, I dare to look forward.

There are so many people along the way who have given of themselves for me to be in this privileged place.

Like the doctor who created my miracle med after building on a researcher’s breakthrough 30 years earlier, what offerings can I bring that just might change the quality of life for a single soul?

These words of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. both scare and inspire me:

“An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.” MLK, Jr.

As a language learning coach, I love to champion individuals towards greater possibilities in their lives. But MLK Jr.’s words challenge me further forward. How can I rise above my personal cancer and be a part of treating malignancies that face all humanity?

While Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s impact on society was profound, maybe he started with small offerings and a few champions in his life. I can do that! I can spend precious life energy trying to figure out my present and future impact, courageously taking small steps forward.

“If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way.” MLK, Jr.

Thank you, dear people in my life, who have championed me along the way to fight my battles with cancer—my devoted Greek-immigrant family, my loving husband in sickness and in health, my life-giving friends, my empathetic professors and generous neighbors.

Thank you, doctors and researchers, for devoting your lives and your minds to profoundly changing my prognosis and my quality of life.

Thank you, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., for your wisdom and impact on the world, and for encouraging me to bravely take baby steps far beyond my personal cancer.

Thank you, readers, for allowing me to reflect back and dare into the future on this journey of chronic hope.

This article was published in a series of articles for the Yemeni American News, October, 2019:

Georgia Coats is a Language & Culture Learning Coach, freelance writer, educator, wife, and mother of three who is passionate about healthy mind-body-spirit living. Chronic Hope is Georgia’s collection of stories, lessons, and life adventures of living alongside chronic leukemia, cancer of the white blood cells, for two decades. She often shares what’s on her mind at: www.onmymindbygeorgia.wordpress.com

On My Mind

by Georgia

MLK Jr